Jojo was a man from...

Woog!

Sorry It's been a few days since there's been any posts -- We've been in Tucson Arizona all week, selling Pirate Cookies and books at our booth during the Great Pirating Festival. There are several pirate related events we attend each year (See our earlier posts about our trip to San Francisquin.)

You may be wondering why a Pirate festival would be held in the desert, far away from any possible seas. To answer this, I shall quote the conventions offical stance on the subject:

"Shut up."

I think that should satisfy any questions.

As I've said, we're far from our home base, and don't have the prime computer set up we're used to. We have our offical pirate-laptop (Not a pirated laptop. We did pay for it. Although threatening the shopkeeper usually gets you a nice discount. That's why I don't like shopping online. The personal touch. It's hard to yell at a computer (not that I haven't tried) Of course, don't let me dissuade you from buying from our website online. In fact, I demand that you do. Don't make me threaten you.)

The only place we can find an internet connection (The convention place doesn't have wifi -- dagnabbit.)
And all 5 of us always have to find a fair way to decide how to share the computer. During the resultant scuffle, I got the least hurt, and so am using the computer (If any of the other guys one, I doubt this blog would be postifed. Blogging isn't high up on their list of priorities when we're on the road with a short amount of internetage.)

The convention is taking place in this cool old mansion. Our booth is in the billiard room. I thought that meant it USED to be a billiard room, but apparently not, so our customers have to squeeze past the guys playing pool. We tried yelling at them, but they have big sticks.

Anywhoo, I'm getting some very angry looks, so I'm gonna sign off. I'll add some strips next time I can for your amusification.

If you're in Tucson, come and see us! There are hardly any rattlesnakes.

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Winning Awards!

We've won the Blog of the Day Award! How bout that?



I mean, I always knew we were so incredibly awesome, but look: Proof! Validation! After all these years! I better go see if my tuxedo fits.

It does! Although it got kinda ripped putting it on. Hey, look what's here in the pocket: my speech from when I was nominated for the 'Most Piratey' Academy Award! I never got to use it (thanks alot Johnny Depp! I'd put you on my enemies list, but...)

here goes:

Ahem.

COugh cough hack.

Ahem.

WHHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

I'm #1! I'm #1! You're #2! He's #3!

Go me! Yay!

Thanks for this award. You are extremely correct in thinking I deserve it. How much of a cash prize does it come with?

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Pirate Samwich

Crispfied sourdough toast (use either a toaster, or a sword (cutlass or marlinspike) doused in grog, set aflame, and pressed onto the bread)

Salami (pilfered from the shores of Corsica or Napoli) made from pressed hamwichy goodness (however they make salami, I dunno)

Seasonifed Turkey Lunch Meat (made from the most beligerous Turkish meats, seasoned with ancient indignary spices, or Mr. Dash)

Lettuce (vegetables present scurvy!)

Tommato (You can also use them to leach silver from lead! or lead from silver! Leaching -- It's the hippest of all metalurgic processes)

Perhaps some sort of boiled egg product

Mayonaisse (I'm not gonna give you some extra tidbit in perinthetical thought. It's just reglar mayonaisse. What? Drat.)

Ooh! Bacon too! And ham! and some honks of chicken. and some vennison

Onions! (If we could, pirates would eat onions 4 or 5 meals a day.)

Press them all together, ad chips (kettlified potato for preference)
and also some delicous Grog Cola! It's the groggiest!

Will you make me one? Whatd'ja think I gave you the secret resippy for? Get to it! Chop chop! Ooh! and also throw in a nice chop. I'm not entirely sure what that is, but I've heard it in conjunction with meat, and the meatier the merrier!

Mmm... So hungry mungry...

I shouldn't blog during lunchtime.

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Nothing Much

I'm posting today because I feel I should, not because I have anything of particular interest to say. See, we try and do several new posts a week, to keep up your intresthusiasm, and it was my turn on the duty roster. You can get out of it, but only by trading blogging duty with someone else, and last time I tried, I ended up having to do the dishes, anser fan mail, do the taxes, wash the pirate-mobile, and make everybody sandwiches, which takes almost TWICE as long as doing a regular blog post.

You'll notice, if you peruse through the archives that I had a previous post where I didn't have much to say either. It seems to be a habit with me. Any time anyone asks me their opinion, I just stare dumbfounded going 'uh...'. And posts have to be at least 3 paragraphs.

And you're not allowed to stretch your concepts to make those 3 paragraphs either.

Making that line be it's own paragraph is technically cheating. Not that I'll get caught, no one ever bother's editing posts besides their own. I could say things like !!!!!!!SENTINCE DELETED BY ADMIN!!!!! and they'd never even know. And that goes for their mother too. Although she does make the best pirate cookies... Yeah. That was mean. I better go back and... huh? Hey! Some one is editing this! Oh Frabjous Day! Calloo, Callay!
(Editors note: Stop That)

Well, that seems like enough for now.

Merry Christmas!
No, wait...

Back To Norman! I Mean Normal!

Well, Blogger seems to have stopped it's whole beta thing, and we've all been able to log in with our new accounts, and post like normal. Except Lester. They haven't switched his account over yet. So, everyone feel free to make fun of him, as he won't be able to reply. Although that will make the lunch meeting with him awkward...

Also, The Piratelympics planning continues unabashed! Ye shan't be hearing much about it, as the concept is so interesting we're turning it into the next storyline on the continuing comic adventures of our lives. Don't ask me how that all works, with them doing a comic about us, and us not being able to talk about real things that happend because they'll spoil the comic books.

Also, as you may have noticed in the comic book story, I am sans Leather Jacket. If anyone knows of any good deal on piratey leather jackets, let me know. They have to be piratey. But not too Piratey.

YoJoe Away!

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WHOOO! First Post of 2007!

I did it! It's mine. First post of the new old year (it's allready this year, so I count it as old). Some small minded people may say 'Ooh! NoEyes! There's been a few cartoons posted in this year allready, sir.' To them I say 'Shutup! I have the first post post with acutal words and new content.

Seeing as how this is a new year, I would first like to fix all of the troublems left over from last year. First, the whole 'NEJ is missing, here's what we think happened' thing. Remember that? For a while, I was MIA (That's Missing in Anaheim) and the other Pirate bloggers speculated as to what happened to me. They were all wrong (Except Lester, who didn't say anything. Very wise) Here's what really happened: NONE OF YER BUSINESS! I'm sworn to secrecy, and also just plain don't like you. (That's the imperical You, as in humanity in general. You specifically, (The Person Who's Reading This) is prolly not such a bad guy (Or woman of anthropomorphic animal, as the case may be) and you are reading MY blog after all, so you can't be all bad.)

Also, a problem last year was all the bats stuck in the eaves of my appartment. Well, me and my roommate/brother No Ears Johnson have since cleared that up, with the help of a crate of illegal fireworks, and the world's longest poking stick (We actually ended up bribing the bats to leave by giving them the fireworks and stick)

Now, on to new business;

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

These are resolutions I write for 0ther people, as I'm obviously perfect (People laugh everytime I say this, and point on my physical imperfections, such as fatitude (It's Glandular/Genetic/Snack Related. Shut up) and my obvious ocular imbalance (NO EYES JOHNSON, DUH) which is for fashion reasons. I have a little thing called style. Look it up sometime.

Peg Leg Pete's resolution:
Think up a better comeback for all the people who point out you have no peg leg. Just ask me, I'm a master of snappy comebacks (In 1977 I invested $2 in the Al Jaffee booklit of snappery. Changed my life)

Yo Ho Joseph's resolution:
Stop finding the miniscule flaws in my brilliant plans. It's getting annoying. Also, learn how to snap your fingers properly.

Lester's Resolution:
Stop being such a moron. I mean this in the nicest possible way

Captain ScurvyBeard:
Give your First Mate a raise. Also, promote me to First Mate. Also, let me drive the PirateMobile sometime. Also, think of a better name for the PirateMobile. Also, did I mention giving me a raise?

So there.

Until Next time...
Um...
No Eyes AWAY!

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