Top 10 Ten Coolest Thing Ever

Here is an official list of the Top Ten Coolest things ever, as laid down, by ME, Scurvonomy K. Beard on this, the day of our PirateKing, Apriluary XVIIIth.

1. Big Piles of Gold -- oh so shiney and oh so spendy

2. Giant Flamboyant Hats with feathery plumes and assorted dewdads so that everyone not wearing a giant hat knows that they should feel bad

3. Digital Video Discs -- I'm serious here people. And not the pirated kind either. Pirates do not endorse Pirated DVD's.

4. Shouting -- much better than writing your commands down on a post-it note and handing it off to a minion.

5. Facial hair -- instantly denotes whether or not someone is evil, a great savings in time and effort so you don't have to bother getting to know people.

6. The Letter Q -- I just thinq it's qool.

7. A Hot drink on a cold day -- hot chonklit, spiced pumpkin rum, Scalding Soup, FireSmoothies, ETC

8. A Cold drink on a hot day -- Cold chonklit, nonspice nonpumpkin non rum (water) frozen soup, Melted Iced Creams, ETC

9. Explosions/Dinosaurs -- I couldn't decide which I liked better, so I just lumped them together. I am not advocating exploding dinosaurs, that's just cruel (and not in a good way)

10. Me -- that goes without saying. Actually, I probably should have put me at no. 1. Or at least no. 2. Now people will think I'm humble, and I'm soooooo not. Should I go back and fix it?

Honorable mention -- sunglasses --increase anyones net coolity by 17%, but are not inherrantly cool all by their own selves..

Honorable mention #2 -- Samurais, because they have alot of honor and whatnot. This is not a ninja joke, I don't go in for that sort of thing.

Dishonorable mention -- Mr F. P. Mogglywether, for reasons of a private and personal nature. He knows what he did, and I see no use in embarrassing him further. At least not until he replies to my blackmail demands.

Mention that is neither honorable nor dishonorable -- Happy Birthday Granma!