Pirates & Ninjas & Vikings, oh my!

Most people think that Pirates & Ninjas don't get along, and that is not true. We don't like ninjas of course, but that's just becuase we don't like anybody.

What pirates really hate, is Vikings. Think about it, #1, we both sail around in boats, #2 we both releive people of their valuables, #3 we both dress in hats and moustaches, and #4, there is no 4th thing. So as you can see we're rival clans, like the Hatfields & Mcfloyds, or the Montigues & Capulets (Doth thou prick your thumbeth at yonder me? Well, doth thou?!?) Actually, we're more like business competitors. Yeah. Like McLarrys and Burger Queeng, or Microsoft and Macintosh (Wait, this metaphor is confusing. Are pirates like Microsoft because we have a higher market share, or Macintosh, becuase they're intrinsically better?)

They following is a list of derogs (short for derogitory. It's a word now. I wordified it.) you can use, if you see a viking:

Insulting Names:
"Spam-Eater"
"Haddock-Head"
"Brandon"
and good ole 'Lousy/Ruddy Viking"

Insulting Comments
Nice Halloween Costume!
You raid, pillage and plunger! (helps if you brandish a plunger)
Call that a helmet!? I thought you were a giant rabbit!
If Viking do it, you can do it (marginally funny)

How to tell if someone is a viking:
The easiest way, is to look at their car. The hood ornament will be a 6 foot long dragon, there will be oars shoved out the passenger windows, and the bumpersticker will say something like 'I brake for narwales.' Vikings often wear 'I discovered the new world hundreds of years before Columbus and all I got was this lousy Tshirt' tshirts, and they think 'Hagar the Horrible' is funny.

Vikings are not to be confused with anyone from Norway, Finland, Scandanavia, Finland, Belgium, Oslo, Finland, that whole part of the world, or Finland, who are fine in our book (well, as fine as you can get with pirates, which as I said, is just plain regular dislike.) Yes, we do have a book. ISBN 0972817794.

I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to any Ninja a Pirate may have inadvertantly insulted over the years. We're working on new 'Ninja Cookies', and would really like some of you on our side to help on the promotional campaign, and to sell them door to door.