Pirate Cookies

One of our primary sources of revenue, is our sale of Pirate Cookies. We have cornered the market on sugary goods here in Pellmellia. Here, we bake a batch of cookies, package them in whatever boxes are handy, then hit the streets. They are available from stands and carts during our multiple-semi-monthly-kind-of-weekly-bi-annual-yearly Pirate Wednesday Parade, and we often sell them door to door (usually on days when we're particularly bored, or short on cash. Even without the cannons, our PirateVan sucks up the gas.) They are also available at Contrabanned Warehouse TM. (Unscrupulous Jim, owner of Contrabanned Warehouse pays us 1/3 of a bag of money everytime we say Contrabanned Warehouse . Contrabanned Warehouse.)

We're hoping to expand to non-Pellmellian markets, unfortunately, the rest of the world seems to have stricter health laws than we do.

One reason we don't export yet is because we don't use preservatives. They're not necessary for local sales because they sell so fast. We experimented using them before, but it was a fiasco. Our first mistake was in letting Lester mix up the chemicals. Chemistry is better left to those with thumbs. And a background in mixology. And people who can read enough to tell what the bottles actually say.

We tried claiming that the resulting explosion was all part of the Pirate Wednesday fun, but astute observers noticed this happened on a thursday, our entire apartment complex was destroyed, and that PW fun traditionally consists of island-wide treasure hunts, talking with a pirate-accent, (boy does that get old fast. We've limited ourselves to only using the accent on special special-occasions. Like press interviews. Mostly, we just shout YARG! alot) and hitting people on the heads for no apparent reason, then running away.

So, our PR rep at the union of Pirates, Buccinners and Swashbucklers had us spin the situation, blaming the explosion on the local vikings, (most people think a Pirate's cheif rival is a Ninja, but we actually get on quite well with the ninjas. Our Arch Nemises are the Vikings that run the local coffee shop. Darn them and their Vikuccinos!) but, seeing as how it was well known they were all attending the sheep-flinging seminar in Boomerangatang at the time, we had to admit our fault, and pay damages. (fortunately, due to the extremely confusing Pellmellian tax code, we were able to right these charges off, claim a deductable, get insurance money (that's how we say Scurvybeard lost his hand, even though we secretly know it was from a kaiyaking accident) and actually made money on the deal. (Gerald is the best accountant ever!)

Pirate Cookies come in the following flavors: Mint Dubloon, Rum-Raisin-Sans-Raisin, Dead Man's Chocolate Chip, Walk the Plank Peanut Butter, and of course, Pecan Sandies (made with authentic sand! Not that arrtificial sand you find in the off-brands).