Swag & Reminisces

While PiratesWeBe hopes to become the ultimate name in Pirate Swag and Merchandise, we're not. Yet. For one thing, the exlusive Piratewear we're designing isn't back from the printers.

However, I thought I should give you a little taste of things to come: Our "Yarg! This Is One Of the Yells I Learned In Pirate School" Tshirts.


We Seriouly did learn that yell in pirate school. Some of the other yells I remember were "Aaaaaairgh!" "Yaaaaaaaaieieeeeeee!" "Draaaaaaahhhhhh!" and "Eyougk!"

I had to take Remedial Shouting, becuase I can't roll my R's. No-Rrr's Johnson they called me. I still have nightmares about it . However, I did get extra credit points for volume though. I have serious lung power. I always win spitting contests. I know some may say spit doesn't come from the lungs, but they are DEAD WRONG.


Yep. Pirate school was the funnest 4 years of my life. ussually, it's just a 6 week course, but... It was worth it to get that diploma. "Certificate of Piracy" It says in gleaming letters. I have it in my office framed, next to my law degree." I don't know if the rest of the guys actually got their diplomas. I think, YoHoJoe dropped out, PegLeg Pete took an online course, and Scurvy, well, his ancestor's are all pirate, aren't they? I think his granddad taught him all he knows. Didn't take very long either. And Lester's really more of an Honorary Pirate, being a parrot and all.

What was I talking about? Pirate swag! Yeah! We're working on some more cool stuff, including stickers of our special skull design "Sculley" that you can stick to things, including turning an ordinary flashlight into The Pirate Signal!


Plus, later, who wouldn't want an action figure of a famous pirate? Like me? I'm asking, who? Tell me! I'd like their names and addresses please.

Cutli

As any pirate, samurai, knight, or beekeeper knows, a sword is your most important possesion. They are elegant weapons, from a more civilized age. I am lucky enough to have a Mamluko Cutlass Mk. IV. Her name is Slashy McCuttsabunch.

I have been under the impression that the cutlass was the traditional pirate weapon, but not true! Apparently, the cutlasses portrayed in films about pirates are usually historically incorrect, often 19th-century weapons that substitute for the backsword and falchion that were actually available to pirates in prior centuries.

I announced this to the international pirate community (thru my repr at the Union of Pirates, Buccaneers and Swashbucklers local 42), and as you'd expect, the backlash was incredible! Pirate and swordly experts were flown in from around the world, and talks are underway to determine thge piratelyness of the cutlass. I'm concerned, for you see, if the cutlass is blaggarded, I'll have no choice but to turn Slashy over to the Historical Pirate Innacuracy Divisions Melting & Dispoal Squad! I'm allready in trouble with them for wearing sunglasses with glass smelted after 1660!

More on this situation as it develops.

Mishap at the Registry of Legality

All I wanted to do, when I entered the Registry of Legality in my native Pellmellia was get a simple name change. My full name of course is Peter Ruhmrunnier PegLegovitch, but my nickname is 'PegLeg Pete' - a proud and noble name handed down to me by my Pirate ancestors of Yore. (your what?) Never mind the fact that I have no peg leg, the thing that was bothering me was the 'Peter'. I wanted to change my first name to 'Pete'. Seems like it should be simple right?

Well, by the time I got to the front of the line (in the Registry of Legality, they had one of those 'wait-time' signs to let you know how long they guestimate you'll stand in line. Well, apparently some joker poured glue over it, and it's stuck on '2-hour-wait' You know how beauracrats are. Don't let reality stand in the way of the rules. This means that even though there was no one else in there, they still made me wait 2 hours!) I was rather peeved.

I flourished my name change form with a smooth fluid motion I had been practising, and accidentally gave the woman a papercut. So, now she was whimpering. I tried to calm her by saying how I thought scars looked cool, but that only made things worse. So, I whipped out my hankerchif in that same fluid motion, this time accidentally slugging her in the eye. Now she's screaming, crying and cursing, (cursing fluently I might add. I'm a nautical sailor type, and even I thought she went a bit overboard) so I panicked and plugged the 'chif in her mouth, gagging her. I apologized profusely, and tried to pull it out. She bit down on my fingers, so naturally I jumped backwards. Now, I've never been known for my strength, so how was I to know that when I pulled my hand backwards, it would pull her too, and that she would fly out the window? And that the window leads out into the bay? And that the bay was filled with sharks?

So, to cut a long story short, after the calvary rode in, I was arrested and thrown in the dungeon. fortunately, I got time off my sentence for rescuing the lady from the sharks, and was released the next day.

However, as ScurvyBeard said in the previous post, I'm banned from the Registry of Legality. I suppose if we had a really important legal thing, one of the other Pirates We Be could go over there and do it, but they're all pretty lazy.

Petered out.
Get it?

Never Speak of it Again.

All hear this!

A little while ago, there was a period of three days to which we shall not refer, either on this blog or in real life. You don't need to know the full details of those three days, suffice to say, we made an investment in real estate (bought a palace), felt on top of the world for a while, declared some things into law, had some sashes made, you know, the usual. Then the trouble started. We're extremely embarassed, so don't ask us to comment on them. (However, if you're curious, some guy, Roy I think his name is, went and made a book about it! The nerve of some people! Here's a link to the book (we wouldn't ordinarily post such a disgrace to all of piratedom on our site, but we do get a small percentage of the sale, so I guess it's worth it.)

We were going to file a lawsuit, but he didn't do anything actually illegal (not that that would have stopped us.) Also, we're banned from the Registry of Legality here in Pellmellia for that time when... Well, I'll let PegLeg Pete tell you. It's all his fault.

In the meantime, the events described in the alleged book will not be spoken of, probably. (unless we run out of other things to talk about.)

Sincerely,
Captain Scurvy Beard

Our first post! We're so proud

Yarg!

The official Blog of the Pirates We Be Pirates of Pellmellia (paid up members of the Union of Pirates, Buccaneers and Swashbucklers) will come to order!