Merry Everything!

Yo Ho Ho Ho and a bottle of Egg Nogg
(Instead of rum -- ya get it? I was mixing pirate metaphors with chrispness metaphors. I don't even like egg nogg very much, but -- the hilarity was worth it!)

Pirates and Chrispness go together, hand in hand (er, hook). Twas meant to be. We even saved chrispness once, in 1987. Remind me to tell you about it sometime. Howbout now?
The evil Vikings, being Nordish, don't have christmas, what with their Thor and Odin and Osiris and all. They became so enraged when they received our chrispness cards (We're so awesome, we even send cards to our enemies. And also orphans and puppies and unicorns -- we're just have that much chrispness spirit) that they decided to steal chrispness! The snuck around, and stole everybody's presents or something, and we saved the day somehow. It's a heartwarming story.

Also, did you know, that Pirates invented the chrispness tree? Yep. It was back in Decembuary of the 1500's or such. The German Friggate GSS Tannen-Bound was hauling a rich cargo of pine trees (the rest of Europe was undergoing a severe pine tree shortage. Lousy Druids) and glue, when the ship was attacked by Swiss Pirates, led by the female captain, Christina, 'the Swiss Miss' O'Chaupyerhedov (or ChrisMiss for short)

The pirates attacked, and cut off the heads of a number of the crew's heads. They begain to haul the glue and pine trees up on deck, when a Tiphoon whipped up.
It blew the trees and glue all around in a bug tumbly wad, when the mast was struck by lightning. So, suddenly, cartoonlike, the pine trees were glued to the mast in a big green triangular wad, with lots of peoples heads all over the place, and a fire burning on the very top. It was, by all accounts, beautful. Then the rest of the ship caught fire and sank and the survivors were eaten by sea serpents (so, all in all, not the most hartwarming chrispness story ever. Did you read the one about how we saved christmas, personally? That one's really heartwarming.)

Anyhoo, we'll be taking some time off, see you the day after boxing day (That would be wednesday, the 27th)

Merry Fishmass!
Merry Chrispness!
Merry Xmas!
Merry hanukkah!
Merry Chanukah!
Merry Michaelmas!
Merry Kwanza!
Merry Ramadan!
Merry Festivus!
Merry New Year!
Merry Old Year!
Merry Boxing Day!
Merry St. Elmo's
Fire Drill Day!
Merry Winter Solstice!
Merry Decemberween!
Merry Hogswatch!
Merry Anything I've forgoten!

and above all, Merry Pirate Wednesday.
Hope you receive lots of swag, or presents as the case may be.

BTW, what did you get for me? I gave you something.