A Day in the Life of Me

5:18 Extremely loud noise startles me awake. Grab Slashy (my sword) and look around in panic. Realize for umpteenth time is alarm clock playing 'The 1812 Overture' at top volume. Double check that alarm is set for 8:15, my preference. Yep. Brief fantasy about smashing clock into millions of pieces. Remembering got it as christmas present, but not sure who from, so can't because what if they come by and get their feelings hurt, and I won't even know?

5:20 go jogging with pet Norwegish Elkhound Flompy. Flompy is extremely slow, but fortunately, I'm not feeling very excercisey.

6:00 Breakfast, Shrimpeeos cereal (free fishook inside! Now with 20% more barnacles!)

6:30 Fencing practice with imaginary enemies. Today, robot ninjas.

8:42 wear false moustache to buy coffee at the Bibucks, so the vikings won't recognize me. They make a good vikuccio.

9:00 open clock repair store. I am an expert clock repairman, so my morning-alarm-clock-debacle is a source of constant shame. # of customers: 2: A woman and her 2 kids (obviously tourists)looking for a souvenir, to whom I explained that Pellmellia is not renound for it's clocks, that I only repair them, and maybe he should visit switzerland; Other one is my best customer, Mr. Strange Man (I don't know his real name) who comes in every day, and buys 3 cheap green wristwatches, and a piece of the grandfather clock he's buying on the installment plan. No one knows why.

12:30 Peg Leg Pete brings lunch. Today, Pirate Fajitas, which consists of salted pork wrapped in hard tack. Pete chats about his spoon collection while I chew and nod.

2:00 daydreaming about good names for a band I have no interest in starting. What do you think about 'The Squirelltones?' or 'Groovking and the groovettes?'

3:00 more imaginary fencing. Gotta keep in top form for the piratelympics coming up. Accidentally smash 3 shelves worth of clocks.

3:04 Repair clocks

3:00 order more glue from glue depository. Have patiently expalined to me that I should buy in bulk, and explain back that I only need 4.2 oz and the moment, thanks for your concern.

4:17 make a note of all the serial numbers of the bills in my wallet, to make sure.

5:00 close shop

5:05 Dinner with crew at Screaming Virginia's Cafe. Pizza. Ancovies with green bits and whitish-yellow bits. I don't finish my plate, so Virginia won't let me have any dessert.

6:15 Go out to a movie 'The Parrots of Penzance' Great dance numbers, and the scene with the lobsters made me cry a little. Fortunately, I wear sunglasses even in dark movie theaters.

9:37 Midnight bicycle ride of doom (I know it's not technically midnight, and there was hardly any doom involved, but...)

10:14 home, (apartment) brush, (teeth) bed, (go to)

10:47 Unconsciousness